I am going to take a minute and get really deep and emotional with you all…..


My family took my child from me when he was just over a year old under the guise of it being just “guardianship” so that they could get him insurance since I had lost my job, was losing my apartment and everything was going south for me. Instead of helping me to get back on my feet my mother had my sister call my pager and trick me into telling them where I was. They showed up, took my car, left me stranded in the middle of downtown on my best friend’s doorstep and then began the process of taking my son away from me. I was 21 and scared. I had no money and no lawyer while they had plenty of both.

I did not do drugs.  I was not a drinker.  They did not like my boyfriend at the time and my house was messy.  I was a single mother trying to adjust to a baby.  There were times when there was no food in the house for me, but he always had everything he needed, whether I ate or not.  But though they will tell you that I couldn’t take care of him, that was not the only reason that they took my baby boy.  They also did not approve of my religious beliefs and thought that they knew better how to raise a child and so they took him from me. It is all too common these days for these grandparents to think that they know better and to destroy their children’s lives and their grandchildren’s lives by taking their grandchildren away from their rightful parents. Sadly too many of us were raised to respect our parents and to think that our parents want what is best for us…so we don’t know what to do when they are the ones that turn against us. What do you do when your parents cast you aside, take your child and then tell you that YOU are being selfish for wanting your child back? How sick and twisted does an individual have to be to think that this is ok?  What mental illness tells a parent that it is ok to stop caring about your child and take everything away from them?

I have one child.  I have lost 9.  I will never be able to have any more children.  I miss my son every single day of my life.  I resent that my mother stole so much of his life from me.  I resent that I was not there to hold him when he was sick or to be there when he woke up with a nightmare.  I am  haunted by my dad telling me that my son would wake up in the night crying for me and I was not there.  I loathe them for what they have done to me…and a part of me weeps because I want to love my family.  I want to be able to love my parents and have a good relationship with them but they destroyed that.  Instead of helping their daughter who was lost and trying to find her way, they just cut her loose, threw her to the wolves and took away the one and only reason that she was still alive.  Who in their right mind would ever think that was ok?

My son will be 14 this year.  He has been taught by his grandmother that I am barely a parent.  That since I only see him every other weekend, that means that I should not have any say in anything he does and that I have no right to make him mind me when I do have him.  He has been taught that if he is not a christian he cannot live in their home, forcing him to choose between the life he has always known and change.  My son has aspeger’s syndrome and he does not do well with change.  He wants everything to just stay the way it is.  So he does not have any freedom to explore what path he wants to follow as far as religion is concerned.  He has been taught that I am a joke, that I am something to laugh at because I want to be his mother so much but they took that away from me.  And he has been taught that it is ok to talk mean to people so long as you make them feel bad for not being able to take a joke because after all, its only words.

My mother has recently brought up wanting to adopt my son.  I told her that there was no way, it was not going to happen.  She has convinced him that it needs to happen and that I am selfish for not just letting her do it.  I told her that I don’t trust that I would still be able to see him if she did because she has lied to me and used him against me when she did not agree with me in the past.  To this I was told, “It always has to be about you doesn’t it?” This was from my mother.  What I want to know, as MY mother, when is she ever going to make it about me, HER child.  I know that my wants and needs are nothing when it comes to what my child needs and what is best for him.  I wish to the Gods that someone would teach that woman the same lesson.  I am tired of being hurt by her.

I am tired of being hurt by the one person who should have always been on my side….who should never have wanted to hurt me.  And it breaks my heart.

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About wtfhappenedtomyreallife

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, neice, friend, confidant and I am ready to speak my mind. View all posts by wtfhappenedtomyreallife

7 responses to “I am going to take a minute and get really deep and emotional with you all…..

  • Titillating Thoughts

    That took me longer than a minute to read…lol

    • wtfhappenedtomyreallife

      Well yeah but once I got started I could not stop. I tried really hard to keep it short. It just bubbled out. Thankfully I was able to hold back the tears as I wrote. Score 1 for me not letting her make me cry on my lunch hour.

  • Blissworx (@Blissworx)

    That took longer than a minute, followed by a laugh? After you read that your only thought is how long it took. Humanity -1.

  • Nina

    omfg.

    I …. don’t understand families hurting each other like this.

    I can’t imagine the pain and betrayal.

    • wtfhappenedtomyreallife

      Thank you Nina. And what they don’t realize is that they have hurt me deeply. They don’t care. They say I am being dramatic and that I am trying to make it all about me. I cannot even begin to make them see….but I don’t think that they would care if they did see it.

      • Nina

        WTF

        my heart just aches for you and this terrible situation.

        from your son’s POV, he is a child and given the challenges he faces and the strong influence of his grandmother…..heartbreaking.

        I have a friend, John, who is an Aspie and his daughter Carmen inherited it from him.

        He tried really hard to be a Father to make sure she developed strong coping skills, but his partner, Dana, seemed to not really understand John’s own limitations but she is a dedicated mom giving their daughter a well rounded education, a lot of arts and crafts and careful socializing with skill compatible age mates.

        It breaks my heart that your Mom doesn’t seem to be providing a comprehensive environment that would contribute to your son’s future socialization or developing his adaptive capacity.

        I wonder if you might benefit from gettting support from the Aspie community, perhaps there would be a support or advocacy group that would help you

        give support to you primarily

        but also potentially help you with your relationship with your son

        and maybe even provide legal aid to enable his recovery and restoration to you

  • wtfhappenedtomyreallife

    I really wish that there was a good answer to any of it. Sadly with him being an aspie he does not cope well with change and this is the life that he has known for 13 years. I don’t know that I could put him through such a major life change, in good conscience. He wants things to stay the way they are. He is in a k-12 school so he never has to switch schools. I would love to have him home but I also have to look at what is best for him too.

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