My family took my child from me when he was just over a year old under the guise of it being just “guardianship” so that they could get him insurance since I had lost my job, was losing my apartment and everything was going south for me. Instead of helping me to get back on my feet my mother had my sister call my pager and trick me into telling them where I was. They showed up, took my car, left me stranded in the middle of downtown on my best friend’s doorstep and then began the process of taking my son away from me. I was 21 and scared. I had no money and no lawyer while they had plenty of both.
I did not do drugs. I was not a drinker. They did not like my boyfriend at the time and my house was messy. I was a single mother trying to adjust to a baby. There were times when there was no food in the house for me, but he always had everything he needed, whether I ate or not. But though they will tell you that I couldn’t take care of him, that was not the only reason that they took my baby boy. They also did not approve of my religious beliefs and thought that they knew better how to raise a child and so they took him from me. It is all too common these days for these grandparents to think that they know better and to destroy their children’s lives and their grandchildren’s lives by taking their grandchildren away from their rightful parents. Sadly too many of us were raised to respect our parents and to think that our parents want what is best for us…so we don’t know what to do when they are the ones that turn against us. What do you do when your parents cast you aside, take your child and then tell you that YOU are being selfish for wanting your child back? How sick and twisted does an individual have to be to think that this is ok? What mental illness tells a parent that it is ok to stop caring about your child and take everything away from them?
I have one child. I have lost 9. I will never be able to have any more children. I miss my son every single day of my life. I resent that my mother stole so much of his life from me. I resent that I was not there to hold him when he was sick or to be there when he woke up with a nightmare. I am haunted by my dad telling me that my son would wake up in the night crying for me and I was not there. I loathe them for what they have done to me…and a part of me weeps because I want to love my family. I want to be able to love my parents and have a good relationship with them but they destroyed that. Instead of helping their daughter who was lost and trying to find her way, they just cut her loose, threw her to the wolves and took away the one and only reason that she was still alive. Who in their right mind would ever think that was ok?
My son will be 14 this year. He has been taught by his grandmother that I am barely a parent. That since I only see him every other weekend, that means that I should not have any say in anything he does and that I have no right to make him mind me when I do have him. He has been taught that if he is not a christian he cannot live in their home, forcing him to choose between the life he has always known and change. My son has aspeger’s syndrome and he does not do well with change. He wants everything to just stay the way it is. So he does not have any freedom to explore what path he wants to follow as far as religion is concerned. He has been taught that I am a joke, that I am something to laugh at because I want to be his mother so much but they took that away from me. And he has been taught that it is ok to talk mean to people so long as you make them feel bad for not being able to take a joke because after all, its only words.
My mother has recently brought up wanting to adopt my son. I told her that there was no way, it was not going to happen. She has convinced him that it needs to happen and that I am selfish for not just letting her do it. I told her that I don’t trust that I would still be able to see him if she did because she has lied to me and used him against me when she did not agree with me in the past. To this I was told, “It always has to be about you doesn’t it?” This was from my mother. What I want to know, as MY mother, when is she ever going to make it about me, HER child. I know that my wants and needs are nothing when it comes to what my child needs and what is best for him. I wish to the Gods that someone would teach that woman the same lesson. I am tired of being hurt by her.
I am tired of being hurt by the one person who should have always been on my side….who should never have wanted to hurt me. And it breaks my heart.
Ok so I know you all read about Bath & Body Works and why I love them so very much. Well I have fallen in love with them all over again.
Visualize this: you have taken a medication that made you break out in hives around about the same time that you started using a new shower gel and fragrance line from your favorite chain smell good store. The medication (which I will post about later! Stupid NP put me on ANOTHER thing that I am allergic to! I swear she is trying to kill me) ended up being one that you are allergic to which you never should have been on but you trusted the NP who prescribed it. So you break out in hives all over your face and chest and are just dumbfounded as to how. A visit to the pharmacy has you stop everything you are taking and switch to plain white dove just to slowly reintroduce everything and find out what the heck is going on.
Well I did this and found out that the diuretic I was put on was ALSO a sulphur drug (close chemical cousin to sulfa drugs). So after the break out clears up you go back to most everything you were doing. Except you have so many different scents from your favorite chain smelly good store that you don’t use that new line you had purchased for a while.
Then the big day comes. You decide to break out the creamy body wash and lather up in your new favorite fragrance, which is aptly named “Secret Wonderland” and is a beautiful color and a heady sweet smell that when you close your eyes it just makes you feel good all over. After shower you use your body butter on the feet, triple moisture body cream on legs and arms and perfume on chest. Body spray on the outside of the clothes and because it is a nice light fruity fresh scent it does not overpower but lingers just a touch when you walk out of the room,
About an hour later at work….there is one small bump. Eh…maybe just a break out. Not hives, just a pimple…no big deal. The next morning you lather up with the same luscious goodness and end up with a smattering, not just a few, a whole smattering of hives.
This is where I fall in love with Bath & Body Works again. I emailed them and they called me. They called me concerned for my well being and health. They immediately agreed to replace the whole line, because I had the WHOLE line. They sent a mailer to have it picked up and overnighted to them. They wanted to put the batch through testing and look for anomalies and see if this was something that just I was allergic to or if it was a bad batch. While I was in the process of sending things back they called their medical line and had them give me a call to take an incident report and make sure that I was ok. Yup you read that right. They called their medical line, told them what was happening and then had them call to check on me!! Once received, they sent me my replacements which arrived in a very nice box and in a Bath & Body Works bag inside of the box! I don’t know about you but I have a stock pile of things stored i Bath & Body Works bags. I love them. So handy.
So in short….I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Bath & Body Works!
I woke up early on Saturday morning this weekend. Got my kiddo up and in the shower…then showered myself, got dressed and headed out the door. I was out the door before 9:30am on a Saturday. Why, you might ask….Because we had tickets to one of the most awesome outdoor concert festivals that I have ever been to in all of my 33 years.
We stopped at the post office and mailed off a homemade scarf I made for an old friend then we set out. We stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast then hit I-65 North from Columbus to Greenwood. We stopped in Greenwood to pick up my son’s friend Jacob then it was back on the road. 465 to I-69 then up to the Noblesville, Indiana exit. We got there early because WE had wristbands to let us in early for the private concert by Noctura. The singer sounds a bit like Amy Lee. They were really good!
We then headed over to the “midway” area with all the vendor booths. Way too much money later we went on over to the second stage. We got to meet up with Orange Blossom Special and I bought their cd (AND got it autographed! Those guys were really nice too!). We listened to the second stage for a while. Jake bought the Bullet For My Valentine CD so he got to meet the band. My kiddo and I didn’t want to meet any of the bands enough to do that so we just chilled while Jake went to meet them (then came back in total shock and happiness)
Then it was time to make our way over to the lawn. We got over to the lawn and hung out waiting for the show to start. First up was Escape The Fate. I had never heard them before but I really liked them. Next up was the Miss Uproar Contest. It was kind of hokey but the boys liked the girls in skimpy clothes. They ARE 13 year old boys after all.
Soon after Bullet For My Valentine took the stage. I did recognize a few songs from stuff my kiddo had played before. I can’t say as I was really knowledgable about their music but I liked them.
After BFMV left the stage it was time for SEETHER! I am a HUGE Seether fan. They came out and started with Gasoline. Then took off into Fine Again. They did Broken which is my all time favorite song by Seether ever. They also did Fake It and Remedy. Iwas a little bummed that they did not do Breakdown…but over all I was VERY happy that I got to see them again and that they were wonderful. My son did not care for them much but his friend Jake became a fan.
Next up was Three Days Grace. This is my son’s all time favorite band. He claims Linkin Park and BFMV are his favorite bands…but it has always been 3DG. He was up and jumping around and having a great time. For those of you who have read my blog before you will know that my son has Aspergers, which is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. This was MAJOR for him to be acting like that and to be so lost in the experience. Then these two drunk assholes came barreling down the hill fighting and crashed into my baby boy and his friend. I grabbed the kids and headed for safety but alas the damage was done. The boys were fine but my kiddo did not let himself get lost in the concert experience any further.
The last band was Avenged Sevenfold. We did not get to stay for the whole show because I was REALLY tired and beginning to hurt (Getting old sucks!) but what we saw of their set was very cool. Their sound was great and it was a really cool set.
We left the show about 10:45. We had been there since 1:00 so we had a really full day of music and fun. I am very glad that I got to take my kiddo to this event. He may not realize it now…hell he may never realize it…but THIS is the kind of thing that memories are made of. I am so proud of him for making it through the whole show and for letting go for a while. We really needed that connect time.
It is an all too frequent tale. Young person makes it big. Young person falls into the glitz and glamour. Young person falls into the feel good and the partying of it all. Young person takes too many drugs, smokes too many cigarettes, drinks too much. Young person destroys their body, their career and finally loses their life. A surprising number of them at the age of 27. It is a tragic fairy tale. The tragedy of Hollywood and the music business.
Today mourners are gathered outside the London home of one Amy Winehouse, where the 27 year old singer was found dead on Saturday to pay their final respects to the would have been legendary, Ms. Amy Winehouse. Now granted, Amy was tabloid fodder for years with her drug and alcohol addictions and her wild unpredictable behavior. But what people tend to forget is that she was a tremendously talented woman. Despite her personal suffering and pain Amy sang out beautifully. Her voice was reminiscent of the singers from the big band era. Such a beautiful and clear voice with such heart and soulfulness. Had she found a way out of the pit of her addictions she could very well have been the next lifetime achievement winning Diva.
It is a shame the way that the business destroys lives. It has the potential to make someone very happy. To give them fame and fortune but alas that fame and fortune more often than not turns to addictions, erratic behavior and crime. Hell, even our beloved Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting.
So why do we want it so bad? What is it in us that makes us long for the attention and approval of the entire world when really all we need is a few good friends and the approval of ourselves? What indeed….
Fair thee well, Amy Winehouse. May you rest in peace and may you find that love and acceptance you so longed for in your next life. You were an incredible talent and we will miss you.